his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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