Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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