Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
