"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
