New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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