i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
