Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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