You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
