oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
