There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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