I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
