remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
smell my finger.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
NoShamevember. You game?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
