My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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