it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
