i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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