marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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