mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
