she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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