So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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