Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
