i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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