that's an acceptable place to lick
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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