After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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