you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We talked him into tasing himself.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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