8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
