It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
