Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
