Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
