Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
