Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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