Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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