Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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