What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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