you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
worst night to have a conscience
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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