You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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