but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
