I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Life is so much better after having sex.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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