I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
