wrigley field is MILF paradise
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
