have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
be right there i have to get my cape
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
