If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
