I think I died a long time ago.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
