Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
