OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
