I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Two words: nipple clamps
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