I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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