Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
