He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You are a booty call, not a friend.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
