My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
