can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
