i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I think a kid would responsible me up
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
