I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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