Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
